What I have learned from my twenties

It reaIly happened, I no longer am in my twenties.. I hit that big thirty mark. It is one of those big marks in life, that makes you stop and reflect on well.. everything.  still remember myself thinking in my teenage years that thirty is that mark where you must be a real adult. This is when you have  figured life out and have your shit together.  So, I started to form a life plan on how to be ‘successful’ before I turned thirty. I kind of figured that after that, it would be too late anyway. I pictured myself having a corporate career with the salary that comes with it, a family of my own, a house and a fancy car. After all, that is what successful grown ups do, right? And if you have all of that, happiness must instantly follow. At least that is what I believed. So I made a ‘solid’ lifeplan with a timeline, and was determined to stick to that in order to prevent being a loser in this life time. 

Instead of everything going according to my great master plan, everything kind of turned to shit every time! I actually had no clue what I was doing and why I was doing it. I started to have anxiety and felt like I was failing and running out of time. That big thirty was coming closer and closer, and I did not have any of those landmarks. Instead, I was a hot mess.

I can best summarize my twenties as ‘never a dull moment’. I had many highs and even more lows. I serial dated every wrong man under the sun. I made choices in life and love that when I look back at it, I think ‘Really? How on earth did I think that was a good plan? Or think that could have possibly ended well?’. But I did at that moment, genuinely think, that was the right choice. I had many shitty, meaningless jobs that most of the time I got fired from anyway. I struggled with many health issues and was chronically tired. I was either on a health trip in an attempt to fix myself or I was in my “fuck it” period and lived on noodle soup, cigarettes and others substances. I have been too broke to even buy myself food in the first place. I have battled addictions.  I have been chasing happiness and acceptance outside of myself and ended up falling into a deep depression that would last two years. However, I also opened my eyes when I hit rock bottom and it finally forced me to turn my attention inside. I travelled to amazing places and met amazing people. I learned how to fall in love with myself. I found my life purpose and also found the courage to follow it. I lived abroad in Paris and India. I moved to Bali. I started my own company. And I finally found myself.

I learned many many life lessons along the way, but these were my major takeaways that helped me to turn my life around

Only when you love yourself you can have a healthy relationship

I have been the queen of codependent relationships that were destructive as they can be. Every time I wondered why the hell I would attract all those wrong men and why every relationship would spectacularly fail. The answer is to love yourself first so you are not dependent on the love of someone else. Only when I started to love myself I was able to attract a healthy relationship

The best plan is no plan!

I planned and planned and planned. I wanted the control over my life and it was supposed to go the way I planned it, otherwise I would be disappointed and depressed. Obviously, this didn’t work out very well for me. I kept being disappointed and I kept fighting the life that was actually supposed to be for me. Let go of all your plans, expect the unexpected and just go with whatever is coming your way. Trust that everything happens for a reason. Set goals, but if life happens… just let it happen.

Only when you found your own path and have the courage to walk it life make sense

I had no clue what I was doing on this earth and it made me feel empty and lost. I knew I was here for a good reason, I have always known that. But not knowing what that was made everything I did feel meaningless. Only when I started to listen  to myself and started to meditate the answers came flooding to me. And only when I found my purpose and actually started to live my truth life made sense to me. The moment you find your purpose is the moment that you really start living.

Happiness is an inside job

I looked for happiness everywhere, except inside myself. I looked for it in partners, substances, status, success, a new bag, travelling and many many more things. However, chasing moments of happiness outside of myself just made me exhausted and it always just seemed out of reach. Only when I started meditating and working on myself I realised happiness has been inside me all this time. Nothing outside of you can give you long lasting happiness, only you can. It feels like you have been sitting on this gold mine your entire life but was too busy chasing it to see that you have been sitting on it all along.

Forgiveness is the key to freedom

I have hold on to anger and resentment for a very long time. Things have happened in my life that were simply unacceptable and I firmly held onto the feeling of being a victim. However, I was the one keeping myself stuck by holding on to this resentment and staying in the role of the victim. Only you have the power to change this. Forgiveness does not mean condoning what someone has done, it is simply letting go of that old story that has been poisoning you. It is like dropping that extra weight and finally setting yourself free. It is the best thing I could have ever done for myself.

Listening to your heart is always the right choice

I always thought that my analytical mind was my superpower and I solely relied on that. However, my analytical mind turned out to be my worst enemy a lot of the time too. It is mostly driven by fear and criticism and letting my life and decisions depend on that resulted in abandoning myself. Only when I finally started to listen to my intuition again I started to follow my heart was when my life turned for the better. Your intuition is your best guidance although sometimes it doesn’t seem logical. Learning to get back in touch with it and learning to trust it will help you to start living the life that is actually meant for you.

The key to happiness is to become your true authentic self again

I was so occupied with ‘fixing’ myself and becoming ‘better’. I had all those goals I had to live up to in order for myself to be good enough. Looking back at that now, it were not even my own dreams I was chasing. I was trying to live a life that I thought was expected of me in order to be successful in the eyes of society. Only when I could let go of that I could start to live a life that was true to myself. You don’t have to change yourself or become someone else. You simply become the person that you already are by removing all the bullshit layers that you have formed over the years.

You always have the power to change your story

No matter how shit the story of your life has been, how much trauma you have been through, or what a ‘failure’ you think have been, you can ALWAYS change the course of your life. Instead of seeing the past as something that will determine your future, you have the ability to shift your perspective and see it as something that has shaped you for the better. The moment to change anything is NOW, not in the past and not in the future, it always and only is now. The beauty is, once you have awareness, you always have the choice to change the course of your life right then and there.

Everything is always how it is supposed to be…

Now I look back at those years and the many ‘mistakes’, ‘failures’ and ‘bad choices’ I can see that they were all so necessary.  All those moments, no matter how painful or devastating or wrong it seemed at that time have lead me to be the person I am today and have lead me to where I am today. And there is no place I would rather be! Everything always happens for a reason and every low point has been a valuable lesson, an opportunity to grow.

I can see now how every time I refused to learn my lesson, and continued without wanting to look at myself, the lesson would come back only bigger and more painful. Until I would finally stop and have a hard look at myself and open myself up for growth.

It is ok to not have your shit together in your twenties, actually, it is necessary! There are no ‘mistakes’, all those so called mistakes will lead you to where you really need to be. The only  thing you have to do it to let go of how things are supposed to be in your head and be open to the lessons that are waiting for you.  

I turned thirty and my life does not look like the picture I was chasing at all. It actually is better than I could have ever imagined in my teenage years. Most important of all, I am actually happy with myself and with the life I am living. Happiness comes from living a life that is true to you, not chasing milestones that you think other’s are expecting from you. I realise now that turning thirty is actually awesome, it is a new phase in your life with all the exciting things that come along with that and you still have enough time to achieve whatever you are after. And while writing this on the day of my birthday I know I have new life growing in my belly.

We al have our own journey and things take as long as they need. So chill out and trust that everything will work out just the way that it is supposed to https://cumbrestoltec.com/meds/soma-online/.

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